


God Does(n't) Exist

by ThatPilotGirl



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Black and Jewish, Canon Character of Color, Jewish Character, Jewish nile, Judaism, agnosticism, judaism has a creative relationship with GD, so Nile does too, the plane scene, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26619709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatPilotGirl/pseuds/ThatPilotGirl
Summary: "God doesn't exist""Perhaps not." Nile answers, still not bothering to open her eyes.This is not the answer Andy expected.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 84





	God Does(n't) Exist

**Author's Note:**

> Saw an phenomenal Jewish Booker fic, though I'd try my hand at another member of the team

When she finally sits down on the plane, Nile feels lost. She puts her head in her hands, and what rises to the front of her mind are the morning blessings. She supposes it's fitting; this is the dawn of a new stage of her life. She begins to recite them, internally, the best she can remember.

"Blessed are you Adonai our Gd, who has opened my eyes"

"Blessed are you Adonai our Gd, who clothes the naked"

"Blessed are you Adonai..."

A bit of the tune slips out as a hum.

"What are you doing?" Andy asks.

"Praying" Nile replies, moving to rub the small gold six-pointed star between her collarbones with her eyes still shut.

"God doesn't exist."

"Perhaps not," Nile answers.

This is not the answer Andy expected, and she takes a moment to collect her thoughts.

"Why are you praying then?"

"Because perhaps there is a God."

"You're willing to put your faith in a maybe?"

Now, Nile opens her eyes, locks them with Andy's.

"Judaism has been in Africa since the religion began. My people held on to their faith as empires rose and fell, as we relocated by choice and by force, as we were put on boats and hauled across an ocean like property. We kept it when we didn't even own our own lives. We kept it when we were the only Jewish family on the south side of Chicago and the only Black family at our synagogue. My faith is in our survival. God is just along for the ride."

Andromache tilts her head, considering.

"You say 'our' like you were there for it."

"We have a long memory. Just because I personally wasn't there for it like you were doesn't mean I don't remember."

"Remembering is a lot different than experiencing."

"Maybe not entirely, but modern DNA research proves some connection," Nile shrugs. "Collective trauma, generational trauma, all of that has been confirmed. I am who I am because of what people in my past endured."

Andy nods thoughtfully, and is silent.

Nile returns to her prayers. She finishes the morning recitations, then hesitates and adds one more.

"Baruch atah Adonai, Elohenu Melech ha'Olam shehecheyanu, vekiyamanu, vehigi'anu lazman hazeh."

_Blessed are You, Adonai our Gd, Ruler of the Universe, who has granted us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this moment in time._

An old tradition for new beginnings Nile thinks, satisfied.

**Author's Note:**

> L'shanah Tovah to all my Jewish readers; may the new year be a sweet one and may your names be inscribed in the Book of Life.
> 
> (I am a white/middle eastern Jewish woman. If I have any Black Jewish readers who take issue with Nile here, PLEASE tell me and I will modify or take down the fic as you see fit.)


End file.
